The Pentagon has recently announced that it plans to replace 30 percent of soldiery with robots by 2020. Not all of these vehicles will be robots in the traditional sense of artificial intelligent machines but rather autonomous systems controlled by soldiers in remote locations.

Below are some of the unmanned ground vehicles (UGV) that you can expect to see in an oil rich nation near you!

Crusher

This 6.5 ton unmanned monster is built for all terrains. The vehicle was created by Carnegie Mellon’s National Robotics Engineering Center as part of a project called Unmanned Ground Combat Vehicle Perceptor Integration or UPI. Funded by the U.S. Army and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, the project is said to be 10 years ahead of its time. So far the project has received $35 million in funding. The Crusher does not take kindly to mama jokes.

The Crusher recently spent 40 days and nights wandering the desert asking itself “Who am I?”

The Gladiator

This small vehicle was the first UGV designed for the US. Marine Corp. It is expected to be deployed for a variety of task including carrying out search and discovery missions in hostile lands, mine fields and areas suspected of containing chemical and biological weapons. The vehicle is capable of being equipped with various weapons to deal with insurgents that do not respect its authority.

Those may look like missiles but are actually ice cream cone launchers to bring world peace in George W. Bush’s latest: “We All Scream For Ice Cream”campaign.

UH-19XRW Hoverwing

Ghost ride the whip on land and water when the UH-19XRW Hoverwing is on the loose. This unmanned hybrid hovercraft and ground-effect vehicle is part of the Navy’s Sly Fox Program Mission 9 and is currently undergoing test. It is capable of flying up to six feet above land, water, astro turf and passed out wookies.

Even Batman thinks this is the hot shizzle.

Andros Mark V0A-1

This track equipped vehicle can easily maneuver over rough terrain and even has the ability to climb stairs. Andros enjoys handling explosives, nuclear surveillance, hazardous material response and SWAT Operations. The vehicle is capable of going 3.5 mph and powered by saphion lithium-ion batteries.

Johnny 5 + Busted 80′s Cyborg Cougar = Andros

Defender

This automated perimeter security (APS) ‘engagement platform’ can travel up to 35 mph over rough terrain while being piloted by a remote driver. Multiple color cameras give the driver video feedback and road view. It is capable of patrolling for up to 6 hours and is equipped with a speaker microphone system, pepper spray fogger, M-16A2 rifle and- M240/249 machine guns and a flashing strobe light system perfect for throwing a spontaneous rave.

The Defender showing off all that junk inside its trunk.

Talon

This suitcase portable machine can be used in a variety of operations from reconnaissance to weapons delivery. The Talon is capable of functioning in all weather conditions, day or night, and has amphibious capabilities. The machine is controlled by an operator control unit that provides the user with data and video feedback. Standard equipment includes multiple cameras, a two-stage arm, gripper manipulators, two-way communications, NBC (nuclear/biological/chemical) sensors, radiation sensors, grenade and smoke placing modules and breaching tools .

The Talon is currently being used in Iraq and is known by the locals as Mr. T or T-Lon.

MULE

Lockheed Martin’s Multifunction Utility Logistics and Equipment or MULE is an unmanned vehicle with 6 x 6 independent suspension. Each wheel has its own independent in hub motor making it highly mobile in all types of terrain. MULE has the ability to climb 1 meter steps and gaps, traverse steep slide slopes and is available is three models: Armed Robotic Vehicle – Assault (Light), Transport and Countermine.

The MULE making an ass of itself after crashing a wedding in Afghanistan.

Panther II

The Panther II is a modified M1 Abrams Main Battle tank that has been modified into a remote controlled mine clearing vehicle. The turret has been replaced with mine rollers at the front of the tank which can explode a 50,000 square foot mine field in one hour. The vehicles operator can control it from up to 2600 feet away.  Can you say funnest remote controlled car ever!

The Panther II rolls over land mines laid down by the Iranian Welcoming Committee. Coming soon to you local automotive dealer.

SWORDS

SWORDS or Special Weapons Observation remote Reconnaissance Direct Action System is a multi function death machine with little man syndrome. With the capability to be armed with machine guns, grenade launchers, sniper rifles and anti-tank rockets, this remote controlled vehicle has been used Iraq since 2004. The unit is controlled by a remote laptop equipped with a trigger switch and a kill switch for when this aggressive booger tries to attack you.

The Swords vehicle at a recent photo shoot with American flag temporary tattoo (not included).

Other Vehicles That Will Kill Your Ugly Yellow Hummer H3