Well, actually, UK paper The Telegraph knows, as they leaked a few glimpses into the life of the person behind the wheel during TV’s Top Gear test drives. His (or her) identity has always remained a secret, and speculation into a true identity has ranged from Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson to ex-Formula One racers.

Finally, the day has come. We don’t know his name, but according to the Telegraph, The Stig is “…a married man, who lives in a comfortable £300,000 home and drives an unglamorous £15,000 car.” Wait, what? a 15K automobile? And married – MARRIED??!! How can this be?? This ruins all our sexual fantasies! (Or maybe it makes them juicer.) “He found his first track outing when he was younger ‘terrifying’ but this did not stop him from racing in Formula First, GT Racing and Stock Cars, while he almost made it to Formula One. He is in his 30s, and earns around £150,000 a year combining his Top Gear job with some stunt and test driving.”

Now we have a better concept of who lies behind the helmet as the mystery daredevil “Stig” – a regular Joe. Our Automopedia forensic scientists have gathered their evidence and can now theorize a definitive Stig identity:

Who is The Stig?

Joe the Plumber

During 2008′s US Presidential race he was the quintessential “All American” – and the pinnacle of your average working class hero. Has his fame finally revealed his true self – a British stunt driver??

Al Bundy

You don’t get more working class hero than Al Bundy, star of the classic sitcom Married…With Children. Since then the rolls for actor Ed O’Neil haven’t come rolling in, maybe it’s because he’s too busy with all those road tests?

Barack Obama

 Obama claimed victory over the hearts of America’s middle class, will his first campaign promise in office be to order the mass production of diesel powered roadsters?

Hilary Clinton

 Hilary has been known to go to extreme lengths in order to win over working class votes. Perhaps that white jumpsuit is hiding an orange pantsuit.

Rip Taylor

 We have no evidence that Rip is The Stig, but it would be a funny bit for Top Gear to tease their revelation on an episode, only to remove his helmet and have Mr. Taylor be underneath, with a pocket of confetti of course.

David Tennant

Beloved star of BBC’s hit Doctor Who has admitted he will be leaving the scifi series after 2009, is it because there are too many cars for him to be racing?