Mr Wizard’s Do It Yourself Large Hadron Collider Car Modification!
Hey kids. Who needs a flux capacitor when you could be traveling through your own black holes. Today we are going to learn how to power a Hummer H2 with a Large Hadron Collider. Imagine cruising in your Hummer H2 on clean energy efficient protons by the end of the day. Lets get started!
Materials:
1 Ice Pick
1 pair of Protective Goggles
1 Roll of MacGyver Brand Duct tape (this stuff is legit)
1 Empty Mountain Dew Can (the most Xtreme beverage ever)
1 Hydrogen Car Kit (the ones you get Spammed about daily)
4 Small Hula Hoops
1 Large Hula Hoop
1 XXL Industrial Hula Hoop from the Big & Tall Store
2 9 Volt batteries
1 ridiculously large magnet
40 feet of fish tank tubing
A bunch of multi color wires
1 Hummer H2
Steps:
1.) First you must assemble your hydrogen car kit. Be careful to follow the manufacturers instructions very carefully when putting this high tech device together. I know it looks (and smells) like a peanut butter jar but it is actually made of the most advanced plastics available to mankind. This little device will generate your hydrogen atoms which will eventually end up in your Super Proton Synchrotron. Neato!
2.) Next you will need to build your linear accelerator. There is no need to search ebay for a linear accelerator because a Mountain Dew can will work just fine. See the diagram below.
3.) Next you will need to connect your hydrogen car kit to the linear accelerator. Use the fishing tube and duct tape to make the connection. Make sure to seal it tightly or you will loose hydrogen atoms and protons. The hydrogen kit will produce hydrogen atoms that will enter the source chamber of the linear accelerator.
4. Next we will need to electrify the source chamber of the linear accelerator. First place the battery on your tongue to make sure that it still has some juice left in it. Duct tape your scrap wires to the positive and negative prongs of the battery. Connect the other ends of the wire to the can using duct tape or roach clips. The electricity that is being sent to the can will strip the hydrogen atoms of their electrons leaving behind the positive charged protons.
5.) Next you will have to send the protons into 4 booster tubes. Use the aquarium tubes and duct tape to connect 4 small hula hoops together. You will then have to connect another 9 volt battery to the tubes. The electricity from the battery will help to accelerate the protons to just below the speed of light. Radical! You will also need to secure a magnet to the hula hoops to help bend the protons around the circular tubing.Next connect all of the hula hoops to another length of aquarium tubing.
6. Next you will need to connect the booster tubes to a Super Proton Synchrotron. Once the proton packets are accelerated in booster tube they are flung into the Super Dooper Proton Synchrotron where they are sped up even faster. Use a large hula hoop, tubing and duct tape to securely connect the booster tubes to the Synchrotron.
7. Now we have reached the final stage of creating our Large Holdron Collider. Yippie Ki Yay! Use the remaining aquarium tube and duct tape to connect your Super Dooper Proton Synchrotron to the industrial hula hoop which will act as your Large Holdron Collider. The hula hoop needs to be about 15 feet in diameter in order to fit around your Hummer.
8. Now all thats left is to connect your Large Hadron Collider to the engine of your car. Just remove your cars fuel lines and secure the collider securely to the Hummers engine and BAM your in business. Start your engine and experience the glory of burning clean, energy efficient protons. If you want to create black holes simply red line your H2 and hold on!
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